The song lyric, “ground control to major Tom,” comes readily to mind when I think of control. So does the hymn lyric, “I surrender all.” As does the Serenity Prayer. I’m guessing even though all these reminders should help us to stop trying to control every little thing in our lives, we stubbornly persist in the habit of it.
In 1969, David Bowie wrote “Space Oddity,” which is maybe about surrendering control by cutting off communication with ground control. A constant barrage of suggestions, information, this opinion and that one, orders from the boss, pretty pictures of pretty people and pretty things, tempt most of us to unplug the communications.
“Space Oddity” starts out with the quote from above and further on it says “this is Major Tom to ground control…. For here am I sittin’ in my tin can far above the world, planet earth is blue, and there’s nothing I can do.” It might feel okay to unplug and let go.
There are all kinds of control but the prominent kind in my mind, is basic restraint. Either we’re being restrained beyond our will (controlled), being restrained for our safety (under control), or exercising self-restraint for the purpose of discipline and the building of character. One of the biblical fruits of the Spirit, is the virtue of (self-control).
Recently I had an opportunity to spend some time at “the beach.” Watching the ebb and flow of the waves, tides, and water, was educational for this observer. It was easy to accept that I had zero control over the powerful process of the ocean’s movements.
On social media I shared a short video of what seemed like layer upon layer of gray and white and tan from the sky to the ocean, its waves, and sand. The robust waves tumbled one after the other toward the beach in one of the most controlled examples of power, imaginable.
The sound of water is soothing, when it’s controlled. Two of the basic elements of life, air and water, under control, dominate white noise machines and can soothe our busy minds and help us to relax or fall asleep with greater ease.
When the noise of life with its constant barrage of communication, in whatever form, gets to be too much, I think we need something larger than life to settle us down. Few humans, like “Major Tom,” get to go to space to get some space from the noise of life. We need to listen to an ocean, a river, a stream or fountain. Or go to a quiet aquarium, if you must.
We may need to putter in, walk through, and look at a garden, a forest, an arboretum. We should probably smell some flowers, observe the grandeur of trees that tower above us, look at clouds and the entire expanse of the sky.
People need people but we need more than people, society, politics, problems, business, commerce. I think we need to get off the highway from time to time, and walk the path, for respite and perspective.
It’s so easy to get bogged down in controlling one snippet after another snippet of procuring the food and finances of our daily lives. I wonder if once in a while we need to glimpse an ocean or vast canyon or giant forest – stuff that is obviously beyond our control, to bring us back to peace.
The Serenity Prayer is essentially about humans accepting limits to our capacity to control what happens. We can do something about some things. We need wisdom, however, to know when and under what circumstances, to accept the things we cannot control; when to let go.
It should be a universal goal for us to learn to discern between what is an ocean and what is a pool, among the circumstances we face in life. One is there to teach us to calm down, stop trying so hard against the tide, and dwell in peace at the vastness of it. The other is to show us that we’re capable of navigating it even if it’s dicey, sketchy, deep, or muddy.
Some of us, maybe more than others, have trouble regulating our internal control mechanism in response to the external stimuli of life. We do better with some sort of outside controls in place to even out the ups and downs and prevent the spread of an undesirable outcome. Parents, friends, spouses, or employers can fill this role.
When personal control exceeds its boundaries, it’s a problem. For example, when you’ve controlled your own environment and then succumb to the temptation to control the environment of others, you need to let go. If you’re judging what is best, good, or right about somebody else’s behavior or lifestyle, you’d better step back and stick to your own corner of the universe.
Jennifer DeWeil said, “Control is the enemy of rest…. When things feel out of control, our tendency is to hold tighter, grip harder, or work more.” I say, stop trying. It’s exhausting.
I once had a relative at risk for dehydration and all manner of unseemly repercussions from such dehydration. She didn’t drink enough water. We practically begged her to drink more water. We’d place a glass of water in front of her and ask her respectfully to drink it. She often said, “I’m trying.” To us, it seemed simple, “don’t try to drink it. Just drink it.”
Let the power and peace of the ocean have its way with you. We can’t restrain it anyway, so we might as well let it go.