When playing a game on my cell phone, an ad came up for another game. The ad claimed that it was an incredibly relaxing game. Then it said that only people with an IQ over 130 can win said game.
I said to myself, “wow, this ad appeals to one’s vanity. The only reason for downloading that game would be to prove to yourself that you’re brilliant enough to win it and be relaxed in doing so. I’m one of the few with a high enough IQ to win it handily.”
I’m reminded of the 1970s Carly Simon hit, “You’re So Vain,”…”you probably think this song is about you, you’re so vain.” Are you singing it with me?
There is a thing in book publishing called a Vanity Press. In a nutshell, an author pays a publisher to publish their book. Why do you suppose it’s specifically called a Vanity Press?
The concept of vanity is associated with personal pride, ego and a desire to be seen for being special in some way. Renowned eighteenth century English novelist, Jane Austen, famously said that pride relates to our opinion of ourselves, vanity speaks to what we would have others think of us.
Austen spoke of vanity a long time before social media took over the subject. Today, we live out our vanity through social media, Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, and the like. The entire reason for the existence of these platforms is to be seen by others as admirable in one way or another. They are jealousy-making tools, which back in the day we called, “dig me” avenues for fueling our self-esteem.
Today there is a whole category of humans who rake in billions of dollars making us admire, even reverence, them. “Influencers” make us want to be like them, and we think we can, because of advertising. Advertisers love the idea of appealing to the vanity of consumers. It sells products.
Everybody must naturally want to feel special because advertising keeps the capitalist circle spinning at an enormously rapid and costly pace. We spend, spend and spend some more in order to keep that feeling of being special, fueled.
Has capitalism made us all into “special-craving,” narcissists? We seem to hear a lot these days about narcissists. Just who are these folks?
Is anybody ever officially diagnosed with narcissism? Or is it a pop culture label for the bad guy in a co-dependent relationship?
Narcissists are characterized by grandiosity, exaggerating their achievements and talents; believing they are entitled to favor; using others to achieve their goals; lacking empathy toward others; and consumed by envy, both incoming and outgoing.
I wonder if we’re hearing more about narcissism in these times because we’re creating more narcissists through our culture? Are we making people think too highly of themselves through advertising and other moneymaking (capitalistic) systems?
It used to be standard thinking that you can’t buy love or respect and other such things. But, we can see daily that people try to buy anything and everything and if they’re prevented from doing so they resort to stealing it, cheating to get it, or counterfeiting it.
I’m thinking of another oldie song, “you can’t hurry love, you’ll just have to wait; love don’t come easy, it’s a game of give and take….” (The Supremes, 1966 Motown). Oh, as if waiting for anything is even possible in the internet age, when I can just pay someone to like me, love me, and shout it loudly all over the internet.
The Greek myth of Narcissus tells about a young man who fell in love with his own reflection in a pond. He ultimately dies because he cannot possess his image. It’s no wonder that quite a few more men than women are diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Narcissus being a male and all.
In all fairness, I’m guessing that what with cosmetics being a multi-billion dollar female-dominated industry, women spend more time in front of a vanity mirror than Narcissus’ progeny spends staring into a pond at their reflection. But, I don’t know.
So, if you think this column is about you, or me, or some other Narcissist that you know, perhaps you should contemplate these final cautionary tales, especially the last one. The first quote is from The Old Testament Book of Ecclesiastes, “vanity of vanities; all is vanity,” reflecting on the fleeting and meaningless pursuit of pleasure, possessions, wealth, and intelligence versus laboring toward spiritual wholeness.
“Pride goeth before a fall” (KJV of Proverbs 16:18);
“Vanity working on a weak head, produces every sort of mischief,” (Jane Austen);
“Vanity keeps persons in favor with themselves who are out of favor with all others.” (William Shakespeare);
“Where there is emulation, there will be vanity; where there is vanity, there will be folly.” (Samuel Johnson AKA Mark Twain);
“How vain, without the merit, is the name.” (Homer);
“We are so vain that we even care for the opinion of those we don’t care for.” (Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach);
“Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed, one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people.” (Garrison Keillor).
So if we look for it, we’ll see beyond the superficial schemes of advertising and influence, to find simple, gentle, benevolent light in more faces and places than we imagined. Let’s cast our eagle eyes far and wide toward what’s good, admirable, true, just, excellent, pure, lovely, and worthy of praise (Philippians 4:8).