I’ll start off right at the bat with, I’m into acceptance, except when I’m not. Oh, and there’s the concept of acceptable.
This is a missive with more questions than answers. Can you accept this?
So, acceptance is in one sense, to accede to. To accept or receive, accommodate or reconcile oneself to. Acceptance presumes that what you’ve got is not necessarily what you want. “It is what it is,” comes to mind, and that is acceptance.
I have taped to my computer monitor a sign that says, “Do what you can. Accept what is. Bee happy.” This is a reminder to myself, to calm down my predilection to try to fix everything, to control everything.
Were you ever deemed not acceptable as a boyfriend or girlfriend? Were you not accepted into the first college of your choice? Do you accept the trajectory of your life? Have you accepted one job offer over another? How about compliments? Do you accept them or dismiss them?
Is acceptance the same as compromise? Is compromise a bad word? Concession is a synonym of compromise. This whole concept, I think, is akin to a mutual give and take, to reach a satisfactory middle ground, a path that is deemed minimally worthy to live on, but acceptable compared to at least two options, neither one of which we can fully agree to.
Or, is acceptance acceding to “whatever,” fate serves up? What is existentialism and is it opposed to faith, belief, or hope? If making a meaningful choice in an irrational world is existentialism, then I accept it. However, this in my mind does not void faith, belief, or hope toward a more rational, common-sensical world to work within.
Maybe acceptance is a kind of exchange program between anxiety and peace, struggle and relinquishment, the status quo and change. Acceptance may be necessary for moving forward in life.
The definition of acceptance as, “the state of being accepted or acceptable,” reminds me of “adequate” which is not always enough. Adequate, like “competent,” is clearly more than acceptable if on a bad day you feel below average or under par.
Another definition of acceptance is “the act of receiving what is offered.” Who’s offering? Is it easier to give than receive? Scripture would have it that it is more blessed to give than receive. But is it easier?
The reason, I surmise, that it is easier to give is a matter of control. You’re in control when you’re giving to others. Allowing others to give to you or help you in any way may be a matter of pride. You can easily receive, only with the assistance of humility and acceptance that you too are a mere mortal.
“You’ve been approved,” is a more than acceptable reply to any application. Approval is yet another definition of acceptance.
Receiving a stamp of approval in all manner of endeavors, including your very personality, may never be offered. Why do we need the approval of others? Many of us have for a lifetime, unsuccessfully sought the approval of someone or some group. Even the nouveau rich are unacceptable by “old money” standards.
I wonder what the origins of the concept of approval are. Is acceptance ancient? May it have originated in the Garden of Eden, the Modern Age, the advance in productivity through the Industrial Revolution, or were Hunters and Gatherers competitive and judgmental, disapproving some and accepting others?
Is the opposite of acceptance into a group or status, rejection? Not many of us would prefer rejection, if the group is worthy.
We all want to be chosen, favored, the most loved one. When we have not been obviously accepted, a scarcity mentality or fear kicks in, “there isn’t enough approval to go around.” Well, acceptance is not finite and even though some people have been readily approved, that doesn’t mean all the rest of us are rejected.
Rabbi Sacks (Not in God’s Name) reminds us that when others are loved, we are not in turn, unloved; and to be blessed, no one must in turn be cursed. God’s love doesn’t work in such opposites and nor does the acceptance of most people.
Acceptance is particular and specific toward others, according to our personalities, character, and calling. We are accepted for who we uniquely are; not as a matter of degree (less or more). We each have our own blessing and we don’t need someone else’s blessing. The choice of you does not mean the rejection of me. I may not be chosen, but neither am I rejected.
I accept this.