I’ve often wondered if it’s a tad rude to voice openly that I’m thankful for my various blessings. Please note that I’m all about gratitude, as a virtue which I attempt to cultivate, even more than usual in this season of harvest.
Gratitude isn’t one of the traditional or orthodox Christian virtues, but it does seem to go hand in hand with one of those traditional virtues, kindness. Saying thank you and please, pump you up with happy hormones. And I think people receive those words as acts of, not just courtesy, but of kindness.
Just recently a man pushed in front of my husband and me, to get an answer to what must have been an urgent question, from a customer service representative. She quickly and efficiently answered his question and he walked off to his destination, without an “excuse me” or “thank you” to be heard. My husband, the kind man that he is, said “thank you” to the CSR.
The reason I wonder once in a while if it’s kosher to voice my gratitude is this. There are people out there unbeknownst to me, who are struggling with anti-blessings in the same vein as my blessings. Not everybody gets a rainbow at the end of their rain-storm.
Is it kind of me to voice my joyful gratitude around someone who is coping with misfortune in that same area of the human condition? I’m sort of uncomfortable with it.
You see, I’ve been there when someone said, for instance, “I’m so blessed that I’m not sick.” This was right after someone else shared with them that they’re struggling with some sickness. Okay, or someone said boldly and with genuine delight, “I’m thankful we are completely debt free,” when I knew that people within hearing distance were struggling with debt.
I observed that these expressions of gratitude seemed viscerally cringe-worthy, insensitive, or they just plain weren’t listening in the classic, people don’t listen, they’re waiting to talk, vein.
In fact, one of the best ways to express your gratitude is to actively listen. Active listening is when you delve deeper into the words being said, into the realm of hearing what the speaker may actually have meant by what they said.
For me, I feel more genuine in voicing my gratitude in generalities, rather than the more specific ways I mentioned above. “Today, I’m grateful to be alive and kicking;” because presumably the person you’re speaking with is also alive and kicking.
Or maybe those sentiments above that make me cringe could have been more specific. It’s always better to parcel your honesty with some humility; your brokenness with beauty; and your uncertainties with possibilities. For example, the debt-free person could have said, “some debt is good for the credit report, but mine was too much and I’m happy to be getting past it.”
Perhaps the best way to give thanks is to always combine it with kindness. For instance, we all know that the expression, “thanks for nothing,” is clearly not gratitude mixed with kindness. “Thanks for that,” is probably sarcasm bordering on offense, rather than thanksgiving.
I’m still on the fence about whether “thanks” and “thank you” are equivalent. Saying “thanks” sounds to me a smidgen like you’re in a hurry and you have to say something, so you eek out the word “thanks.” And since, you’re in such a rush, there is no need for or inclination for the recipient to reply.
“Thank you” on the other hand, is a bit more formal, polite, and connotes that you genuinely mean it. After a “thank you,” most people want to keep the social encounter going with a reply such as “you’re welcome,” “no problem,” or in texting shorthand, “no prob,” or “welcome.”
One of the better ways of expressing gratitude is to write a letter. Has the “thank you” letter died out in the quick and efficient days of texting, emails, and social media? I hope not. Hopefully it continues on even if it’s a changed version sent via text, email or on social media.
I’m thankful for many things. In fact, I attribute two hymns which we sang at our church every year around Thanksgiving, to my deep appreciation of God’s bounteous provision in America. One is, “Come, Ye Thankful People, Come,” which sets before us in lyrical form a picture of peace, with all the thankful folks, safely gathered, with wants supplied.
The next hymn has helped to nurture in me a vast appreciation for our earth’s natural beauty. It’s “For the Beauty of the Earth,” which is a hymn of “grateful praise,” specifically for the beauty of the earth, the glory of the skies, the beauty of each hour of the day and night, the hills and vales, trees and flowers, sun and moon, and stars of light; the joy of human love, and “friends on earth and friends above.”
That hymn is kind of the total Thanksgiving package and I’ve always loved it. However, I’m a realist and I typically mix my gratitude with “whaaat’s up.” I do not sugar-coat the reality of what’s going on from day to day, for the sake of sentiment, but I do temper it with “hope for the best.”
What better moment, than right here and right now, to thank you for reading my column. I appreciate you.