The Caregiver Personality

There are a variety of personality types walking around this big ole world.  With some of these folks we can mount friendships as easily as we change our clothes.  There are others from every ilk with whom we just don’t get along.

The Caregiver personality is one which I admire but is simply not me.  I thought in a misty distant past of becoming a nurse-midwife.  In fact, I formally studied lay-midwifery while pursuing my post graduate degree.

It was the nursing part of midwifery that threw me for a curve.  I think it was partly due to my personality.

As it turns out the Caregiver personality, one of sixteen personality types identified in the 1956, less than scientific but better than a horoscope, personality questionnaire called the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), is vastly contrary to my own personality.  I am more of an Idealist or Artist in personality type.

The Caregiver personality is one where the individual who possesses it is energized by interactions with othersWhen I understood this simple little quirk of personality, I instantly knew “this is not me, no wonder that I struggle so much in a care-giving role.”

I’m the opposite, I de-compensate after too much interaction.  I need to get alone in order to recover from my outgoing endeavors.  Part of my introvert personality is to thrive for a time on one-on-one interactions, but to become energized by silence and nature.

I hope you never have need of the individual to whom I refer here as a Caregiver.  These human beings are in a category unto themselves.  And, before COVID, these people proved to be vital to our aging society; post-COVID, they remain a vital workforce.

Caregivers may include nurses of various degrees, nurse assistants, private duty carers and companions, as well as social workers; or even non-degreed humans who are called to work with folks in their home-setting.  Caregivers assist us as we age and don’t kid yourself, you may be younger than me or older than me, but we are all aging.  Sooner or later, you’ll need some assistance.

In discussing some problems of aging with a friend, I had to giggle at her sarcasm when she concluded, “golden years, my bleep.”  I get it.

I’m all about positivity, acceptance, and making the best of a given situation.  But I am also a realist who detests denial of reality and inauthentic living.

It is clearly beneficial for one’s mental health to acknowledge the odd blarney moment in life by shouting the f-word and smirking for a second’s relief.  Let’s be real, here.

But back to Caregivers.  They border on super-heroes, in my book.  I clearly can’t do everything, nor probably many things, well; but I am the first to recognize when people fulfill roles which are totally not in my wheelhouse.

Speaking of Caregivers, they have a special dispensation of “personality-grace,” if you ask me.  I’ve seen these folks accept personal psychological assaults day after day without burning out and giving up.

“This is how it goes,” they say.  The implication is, they’ve been there, done that, more than once, and they don’t take it as a personal assault when they’re yelled at, demeaned, spat upon, even hit.  The word, saint, comes to mind.

Caregiver-compassion is on another level than your ordinary understanding.  I feel like I have a good measure of compassion toward my fellow humanity, but my temperament is such that my efforts to care for others can be easily tampered with by ingratitude or hostility.  As an introvert, I withdraw and give up, even if just for a moment.

There is in my mind, a give-and-take of care; a back-and-forth, interaction, if you will.  I’m simply not equipped with the Caregiver personality, to cope, when the interaction breaks down into a one-way street of care-giving, only.

“Understood.”  This is a one word, concise and to the point, reply to a military order, I think.  It’s my belief that to be understood is the most meaningful of gestures from one human to another.   There are no sweeter words than, “I understand.”

“I get it,” is a simple way of saying, “I understand where you’re coming from.”  Caregivers have the miraculous gift of maintaining this kind of understanding with the strangers toward whom they dispense consistent and objective care.  I’m truly in awe.

French philosopher, Albert Camus, said “happiness is the simple harmony between man and the life he leads.”  It’s my full conviction that Caregivers are the divinely appointed people, called to apportion that harmony, and to help us who are aging, to find peace in the life we are now leading.  Thank you.  You know who you are.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.