Hope is an invitation; an invitation to fear that what I want, might not happen. The stoical antithesis to hope is to walk in the present, bringing now into greater focus.
They say the tone of a dream says a lot about what the dream means. Well, in a recent dream I was calm and matter-of-fact in the midst of a crisis. I’m guessing that the stoic, calm tone of the dream is probably a projection of what I wish I were like.
During the day before this night-time escapade, my husband and I talked briefly about a potential crisis we might face next week, given the trajectory of time. He responded to the possibility with his usual, “I guess we’ll deal with it with whatever resources we have when it comes, if it comes.”
I didn’t snipe at him which is what I’ve often done when I’m faced with a “what if” situation, and he’s calm, cool, and collected. I just said, “I wish I were stoical.” In the dream, I was.
My usual modus operandi with “what might happen if…” situations coming up next week is to project the worst case scenario and start problem-solving, now. That’s me. I’m problem-solving before there’s an actual problem.
How non-stoical can you be? I find it difficult to accept that I cannot control what might happen next week. I put up a valiant fight for what I hope will happen rather than accepting that some, probably most, of what may happen is out of my control.
I realize that one of the definitions of anxiety is projecting a scary outcome on some future occasion, which may turn out altogether different than my projection. Still, I suffer from thinking about what might happen.
I was a half-assed girl scout back in the day, but the one thing I retained from my girl scout days was, “be prepared.” I think I recall that “be prepared” was key to scouting for both boys and girls. At least that’s what I gleaned from the experience.
I’m all about preparation. If I’m not prepared, I’m frankly a little lost.
There are good things about being prepared. I read something somewhere, sometime about the strong bond between grandma’s and their grand-kiddos being associated with her taking the time to prepare for their visits with her, and the effects that preparation has on their tight relationship. Apparently her preparation makes a difference.
I also used to counsel former students who were afraid to give a speech, that if you prepare well, you can give a speech without paralyzing fear. Knowing your subject, organizing it rationally, and remaining confident that you are prepared, is key to successful public speaking.
Preparation has its drawbacks though. The process can be physically, mentally, and emotionally draining, exhausting even.
If you feel that you have to prepare for every contingency, you might be setting yourself up for anxiety, overthinking, and unnecessary suffering. Preparation can easily become a slippery slope.
So, my waking wish that I were more stoical, had me practicing its tenets in my dream. I was calm as a cucumber during the most chaotic event imaginable.
At the risk of oversharing my subconscious dirty laundry, I’ll give you the gist of my dream scenario. My husband and I with our older teenage daughter and tow-headed preteen son (we have no son) had been on a car trip to a favorite city in our vicinity.
On our way back we ended up driving through water which got deeper and deeper until we were driving no more and the car stopped running. We had to get out of the car and swim/walk through the water. We left my purse and all of our belongings in the sinking car. Then I saw buildings up ahead of us, and we knew we’d be able to get to safety.
We walked through a derelict part of town, confirming to each other that we’d walk until we found a place that looked approachable to ask for help. We ended up downtown in a gentrified shopping area. I sat calmly and stoically at a long table inside a mini-mall, with our son, who was present but silent, while our daughter went to the rest room and my husband searched out help.
Having inquired as to why I was soaking wet, I told a kind sixty-something woman, calmly and briefly what happened and that my husband was trying to find help to get our car, money, identification, and belongings out of the river below town. I started to awaken from the dream at this point but lucidly imagined that this unassuming woman was someone of influence and could somehow help us through this crisis.
So how’s that for enduring an unavoidable, stressful reality, stoically? Perhaps my wish for rational calm while dwelling in a mind that would studiously prefer to predict the outcome and panic, is a kind of self-fulfilling prophecy or wish-fulfillment.
Do you think my subconscious was practicing raw, rational calm in my dream? Maybe I was rehearsing for the part of a stoic.
Given the merits of each approach, attaining a better balance between preparation and acceptance, is my goal. I’m thankful for my dreams, which truly help to focus my waking thoughts.
I’m determined to defer hoping for a time and begin to sit down with my week ahead, notably with my calendar, and ask myself one question, “what in this upcoming week can I control now,” and do that. If I can control the events of the first day of the week, then hallelujah, day one is conquered. Then, a forward I will go in faith, prepared and accepting.